Bloody Breast Cancer

A sequel to Bloody Mammograms

Interestingly, it wasn’t until this morning when I went to my local cafe and chose a green health smoothie instead of my normal short black, that I cried.

I had a few tears and a sniffle or two yesterday but I had put on a brave face and delivered the news to my loved ones with a “don’t worry, it’s early, it’s small, it just won’t be much fun”.

In the doctor’s office, after she had said the words “You have breast cancer”, I was in shock. I wasn’t happy about the news, but I wasn’t sure how to process it, other than saying ‘buggery bollocks’ and a couple of other words. She said I wouldn’t remember anything she was telling me, but I did. I remembered; ‘Have you got anyone at home? Have you got anyone you can call? 17mms. Estrogen receptor (ER) positive’. And ‘the specialist will ring you’.

While I was listening to her, I messaged my mum to say I would call her and WhatsApped my friends. Later, I talked to my partner and my mother. Each time I teared up, but I didn’t cry. I swore a bit and worried about work and my writing and my clients and what was going to happen, but I didn’t cry.

I went home and told my step daughters in my most matter of fact, bright and clear manner that I had breast cancer and there was absolutely nothing to worry about and that it wouldn’t be fun for me but I would be fine. I didn’t add that only the night before my partner and I had been planning for us all to go on a holiday together and that it…