Bloody Not Knowing.

My Continuing Adventures with Breast Cancer.

I wrote this a few weeks ago but at first it was too raw and then I was recovering from surgery.

If this Breast Cancer Journey has been a Roller Coaster ride, then today was cliff diving into a shark cage, and surviving.

This morning was the first day that the depression hit hard enough that I started to have a little suicidal ideation. Fear of the actual cancer had crept in for the first time yesterday.

Today was the famous four week mark and I still haven’t been given a surgery date.

I have been trying to go easier on myself but the two teenagers in the house had been teenagering hard last night. This morning they had a school free day so although I had the morning off, I still left the house at my normal time because I could be sure I wouldn’t be passive aggressive or sarcastic if I had to interact with them about the fact that they shouldn’t really spend the entire day on their computers and it would be very nice if they actually cleaned their rooms, their clothes or even, goddess forbid put the collection of dirty dishes in the games room in the dishwasher.

So I went to my local cafe and made some calls and did some admin. While doing that, I explained to my two besties in our group chat that I was done. I was no longer coping with…