Fighting self-doubt, again.

More rejections came through over the last couple of weeks. And I was doing okay. Only a small amount of self-doubt had taken hold. But the request for a full manuscript could only buoy me up for so long. Weirdly the letter that got to me was this one;

I’m sorry, you have already sent this query to my colleague, and I cannot consider it. In the future, please submit to only one agent at a time.

I felt awful. I know not to do that. It is stated explicitly on all the agency rules of submission. How had I…


Despite my very clear warning.

I take it that this parent you are hooking up with is pretty amazing. And not just in bed. I mean, they must be for you to change your entire life.
Because that is what you are doing. You are changing your life forever. All the Facebook posts of parents showing how happy they are? They are all lies. They are just trying to suck you in by pretending it is the most rewarding thing they have ever done. They all know the truth. That kids just suck time, money, energy and the will to live out of you. They just…


Still Querying Literary Agents

So as you know, I am currently pitching my book Bloody Dawn and The Duke to literary agents. Once a week, I log into Query tracker set the filters to Open to Submissions, Urban Fantasy. Then I scan the lists of agents and choose a couple. I look at their Agency’s website and their Twitter feed, and if they are into vampires, humour and cats, I send off my submission as per their requirements. Usually, this is a query letter, a synopsis and a certain amount of your manuscript. Occasionally, they want a bio, a pitch, or a blurb, and…


Don’t. Seriously, just don’t.

Credit: Disney

So you have fallen in love with someone who has kids.
Runaway.
Seriously just runaway.
Do you know how stepmothers are portrayed?
Do you know why?
No one likes stepmothers.
You are the lowest of the low.
I mean, what were you thinking?
Are you the mothering type?
This is not mothering.
Are you someone who never wanted kids?
Then don’t. This is having kids in your life for real.
You just aren’t considered a real parent.
The law and society do not see you as important in any context.
You are just someone who was silly enough to fall in love with someone who already…


Personal stuff gets in the way of writery stuff, again.

Okay, some personal stuff happened, and once again, I did not do anything that I would call productive. Nothing that would further my dreams of being a published author of a series of urban fantasy books about a kick-arse Vampire who kills abusive men.
All because an abusive person has once more disrupted our lives. So annoying, but hey, it is what it is.
I have had to be kind to myself about the lack of progress and do what needed to be done to look after the psychological well-being of those in my care and myself.
And now here we are. With…


I guess past abuse means always having to work on being well.

I don’t want to write this. I feel nothing but resentment that I am expending yet more time and energy on you and the problems you cause in our lives, but here we are again. Your selfish inability to recognise your issues and manage them in an attempt to minimise harm to the other people in your life has left me stressed and anxious due to my own history of abuse.
It may seem like a cliche, but it really does feel like a lot of it happened to someone else when I look back. Yes, I have memories of…


Rejections galore and the struggle to stay positive is real.

So progress has been made. I have now had 10 rejections from literary agents. All form letters. I know what I said about remaining positive and having the mindset that each rejection is bringing me closer to the yes, but it is hard. I don’t have a big ego about my writing as it is. I have had enough outside input to understand that my writing is enjoyable, which is all I would hope for. But the impetus to write another Urban fantasy, the second in the Dawn series, just isn’t there. It seems like doubling down on a bad…


Finding a literary agent, the quest continues.

It has begun. I have already had three rejections. By using Query Tracker I have managed to speed up the rate of submissions a little and also the speed of rejections.

Finding a literary agent the quest continues.

So I am now three rejections closer to finding my literary agent. When I received the first I was able to feel celebratory. In a “Look, I have finally put my book out there in the world and I am making progress!” way. You really can’t be disappointed by your first rejection. That would be crazy. The story of someone getting the…


I finally submitted my novel to literary agents.

I can has agent?

I have finally done it.

I submitted a query to an agent.
In fact, I have now queried five agents. And they are all recorded in my spreadsheet titled “Agent Rejections”. I think it was my mentor Sophie Hannah who suggested this title. We all know there are going to be rejections, but the more rejections you have, the closer you are to finding an agent for your book. So rather than see each one as devastating and demoralising, see them as progress.
So although I have sent out those queries, I won’t have started making progress toward my goal of being…


My writing ego is fragile.

I am finally going to admit to what has been the biggest block to me writing again, to me approaching those agents I need to approach. It is that my mother told me my book was “fine”. For some reason, that carried more weight than all the other people telling me it was fun and enjoyable. Even my father loved it.

Although I am fully aware that my mother is hypercritical of some of the best writers of our day and that she has very high expectations of a novel and its worth. Despite the fact that I am her…

Emma Sachsse

Humorist with serious intentions. Currently pitching my urban fantasy, ‘Bloody Dawn’, about a security guard/vampire. https://ko-fi.com/emmasachsse

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store